I wanted to started off this blog post with a question and as a woman I know all women have been through this throughout their lives. And my question is, "Have you ever met a woman that constantly competes with every single thing that you do?" Now I know that all the women that are reading this, is unanimously agreeing that, yes they have met a woman who fits that description. Now the real question is, "why"?
If a woman is happy with herself, she's successful, she is smart, beautiful, talented and loved, why would this same woman take the time out in the world to attack another woman? Now I have to open up a topic that is probably not the most easy topic that there is to talk about in the African American community, but I want to direct this issue of black on black hate between women. I am a light skin black woman. I am a third Irish American (my maternal grandfather), I am native American (which if you come to think of it, all black people have a little Indian in their gene pool) and of course African American. I am not ashamed of my heritage, I am more than proud of who I am.
As a child, I went through puberty wanting to be someone else, to look like someone else. I was a lanky built, light skin black girl, auburn red hair and freckles. I was awkward and tall and very skinny. I stood out. And girls would pick on me because I looked different from them. Thirteen years later, I still get taunted and harassed by different women just because I am different. But there are some things that have changed. The first thing is that it's all online. The social media accounts. Now there are different names for them but I like to call them, "internet thugs". And secondly, they don't just taunt by calling you names and talking bad about you, they go as far as emulate everything that they see you do. Crazy, huh?
I wouldn't dream of going into details of every single woman I have been through this with, because I would be typing this post all day and ain't no body got the time for that. But in all of my young adolescent years, I have never been through so much drama and bitchassness than I have with one particular girl. This is my story. I have been through the absolute ringer with this girl, and she has made it very clear that she was out to hurt me. It wasn't about redemption, it wasn't about being justified. It was out of pure hatred towards me. I could and would never understand why a woman who is suppose to be so straight in her life, take the time out to sit behind a computer and write a blog that spoke nothing of me but EVERYTHING about her. Yes, the blog was addressed to someone else about me, but the whole message behind it, said so much about her. Her behavior, her feelings towards herself, and her mental State.
How could you let a woman have that much affect on your life that you would take the time of the day to bash her (or tried to) in front of people she cares about? I bring this up because this is what I mean by black women hating on the next black woman. It is such a ugly trait that has been instil in US since the days of slavery. When the beautiful women were chosen to clean the homes and have children by the slave masters and women that they believed were not as beautiful kept to the field. Things have not change between us as black women. It just evolved to much more ignorant reasons. Reasons that had nothing to do with the next woman but EVERYTHING to do with the woman dishing out the hatred.
My mother has never raised me to not speak my mind. She has always taught me to say what I mean, and to mean what I say. She has taught me to never under any circumstances let anyone dictate to how I feel. "Speak your mind". I am tired of fighting with women who are unhappy with themselves. I am tired of fighting with women who are going to dislike you because you are different, because you don't think like them and you don't act like them. It is a time for a change. But the change starts within you. A person can decide that they want to go out into their community and clean the grounds, plant flowers and make that world a better place, but unless you work on the inside, the people that lives in the community, it will always be more harm than good.
I have been envious of women before. And although envy is one of the seven deadly sins next to Lust, which is a entirely different post, we all have been envious of someone. However, I don't turn my envy into hatred. I turn my envy into motivation. I motivate to have my own. For example, Have you ever been around a woman who had started off by saying, "Look at her with those wack ass shoes. Bitch be trying it." And then within a couple of weeks, she is speaking of the same woman but now she is a bitch. A hoe. A this. A that. And then you hear that famous line, "I hate her ass." That's turning envy into hatred. Instead of you taking the time to list out all the great and beautiful things you already have in your life, you start hating on the next woman. So busy looking at someone else's plate and not taking on appreciation for what is on your own. And I am not saying this is only big in the African American community, what I am saying is as a black woman it is very big among us as women, and I have been on the receiving end of it for too long.
I believe that when women find something that they love about themselves and they know they are a crowned jewels, that there is no one out there that is like them, they are content. Women who are completely in love with themselves, I commend you. You are happy with what you have, who you have in your life, you are at peace with yourself and you attract more of those great things into your life. Why wouldn't that be something to reach out to have? Internal peace and serenity.
If you never appreciate what you have in your life as is, why reach down in your heart and hate on the next woman that do? If you are a believer of God, then you should understand that no matter what you try to do to the next woman by being vindictive and hateful, what is meant for her will always be for her, because it was given to her by the almighty. Victims of Rumors and lies are always vindicated.
I leave this post with a video from a woman whose work I absolutely cherish, her name is Lisa Nichols and she is a spiritual guru. You may have seen her on Oprah, the movie The Secret and several other outlet talk shows. When I was feeling low one day, I went to find something to help build me up. I was sad and I needed something to help lift my spirits to make me feel good about myself again and i started looking up guided meditation tapes on YouTube. I ran across one of Lisa's entitled, "Discovering your worthiness". And I started to feel better just by reading the description. She talks about what you are worthy of, and she helps you to realize that just like the next woman you are worthy of what she has too. I highly recommend for you all to listen to it. And just accept what she says into your heart. Know that you are just as great as the next woman and STOP HATING. Hating don't hurt them. It hurts you.
Thank you for reading.
